Procrastination Problems

This, I believe, is my greatest trouble with anything – procrastination. And currently, it doesn’t help that I work 3 jobs (with a 4th job that I’m going to start giving time to as well) – so any bit of procrastination ends up eating up the one or two hours I had to give to chores, tasks, or art. This is why I haven’t updated in a while, and my art has stuttered a lot and slowed.

My particular brand of stalling tends to be sleep. Or laying in bed. In particular, this is difficult when it’s early in the morning – I find it hard to force myself out of bed, preferring to roll over for a few more minutes or checking updates on my phone. Lately, I have had some time to get on my computer – and I end up on Stardew Valley, which is incredibly addictive and makes me feel like I’m accomplishing so much when I am only furthering my save file. Not a bad thing at all, but it’s irritating when I realize how much meat-space stuff I also need to do.

In the past, I’ve tried a few different things – rewards, punishments, pep talks, criticising… It doesn’t really work, I find. Not for long, at least. In recent times, I have been able to get myself going by focusing on the pleasure of doing the item – the reward of seeing a chore finished, or experiencing the word of art. This is helped along by my general good mood – when I’m in a depressed state, I couldn’t give a shit less what happens, so long as I don’t have to move (which is why I tend to throw myself at projects when I do have the energy).

It is admittedly an ongoing problem. I have in no way even slightly fixed the issue – but it’s something I pick up and examine when considering my behaviours and what I’m doing, or when I’m frustrated. It’s my greatest hurdle, even more so than my full schedule and depression – at least depression lessens every so often!

Well, I am hoping to go on and finish a few more blog posts for the day, so at least I have it done. Thank you if you stayed til the end of this ramble, and look forward to my next post – where I explain my paper clay recipe!


Some musical ramblings

What do you listen to? Does it change depending on your activities?

As I write this, I have my 8tracks app open as usual, playing “Purge that Urge”. The tags list “violent urges”, “mental illness” and  “intrusive thoughts”. It’s been a recent favourite. I had stumbled upon it after a period of listening to Bill Cipher-themed playlists (Bill Cipher being an evil demon from Gravity Falls). Scrolling through my favourites, I see ones related to Peridot and Jasper from Steven Universe, and a ton of Five Nights at Freddies. Many of these playlists I have listened to over and over and over again. 

A common theme in my favourite 8tracks playlists are techno and electronica genres, songs that speak to a darker nature, or hold an often violent energy. And honestly, it’s because they relate back to some of my favourite characters – the murdering animatronics of Five Nights at Freddies, or the energetic madness of Bill Cipher, or the anger of Jasper. Peridot seems to be the only exception, with a generally happy feel. 

These are the lists I currently love best for my art. I love sinking into the feeling of working with my clay and paper mache as my mind wanders and creates situations with these characters I adore. 

I think that something I’d like to explore are audiobooks, though I worry about losing track of what’s going on. Until then, I think I should start poking into some Mabill playlists – I wonder how they’d mix the usual swing associated with Bill, and Mabel’s hyperactive feels.